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Economicon
Transcript walks into frame, talking to himself, holding a coffee mug. Drinking coffee, talking to myself. Hmm. What should I do today? Hmm. Guess I could sleep all day like I've been doing for the past few months. Hmm. Yeah, I'll do that. camera and stares into it for a minute, confused Oh! That's right! I have a video blog! Since I've been in hibernation for the last couple months, let's see what I've been missing. to his computer Let's see... close out all this hardcore pornography. Yeah. Mmm hmm. coffee music starts playing swirl over Wheezy's horrified expression: 8 days that rocked Wall Street, Wall Street's 8 brutal days, Home deals go bust, Hockey Mom. Turns to the camera What'd you guys do? dot com chips and salsa intro Greetings wheezies. It's October 12th. I just came out of my long hibernation to discover that our thriving economy has been squandered by the public. The public being you and me, but mostly you since I've been sleeping. Lucky for you, I'm a forgiving and beautiful person. And I made a list of things we can do to get through these tough economic times. Number one. Take up a hobby that will occupy your time and not cost anything. Such as synchronized swimming in a public pool. of a pool plays to Super Mario music. Wheezy and Margot do a synchronized swimming routine. Number two. If you have an upcoming holiday or birthday, milk it for what it's worth before we run out of money. October 5th was my birthday and I went golfing with my dad. He paid for it. of golfing trip set to Kenny Loggins' "I'm Alright." Wheezy's dad tees off. Wheezy tees off, missing the ball entirely. dad: Par 4. 315 yards. What are you gonna do, Craig? Craig: I'm gonna kick it! dad: What? on the tee. Runs towards the golf ball and kicks it. Whew. Should've used a one-wood. dad: Well, Craig, it's a Par 4, 328 yards. What are you gonna use? Craig: I think I'll use my putter. dad: What? puts his ball on the tee and putts it. Wheezy's dad looks off into the distance. The ball rolls near the hole. Craig: Aww, just missed it. dad, shaking his head: You're a disappointment to the family. Craig: Alright Dad, we got a par 4, 342 yards. What should I do? dad: Shut up. I'm getting drunk. beer shakes his head and walks away. Thanks Dad. Number three. Cut down on expenses for alcohol and food by combining them into a bloody mary. My only source of nourishment for the past two months has been bloody marys. a beer Mmmm. I ... uh ... had a coupon. Or something. Number four. Use coupons! a bunch of coupons up into the air at coupons Hmm. My coupons are only for beer and oil changes. I guess if you need to get in touch with me, I'll be up a coupon getting drunk with up another coupon the fine folks at Midas every week. of picture of Midas employees on the coupon They look like a friendly, diverse, bi-gendered group of people with whom I would like to get hammered. Number five. Manually wash your clothes. I like to combine my laundry cleaning with my dishes. clothes into the sink that's filled with soapy water. Or with my windows. sweater hangs on a window. Craig spays Windex on it and the window and wipes with a paper towel. And finally if you have a video blog, save on energy in the dark by recording with the lights off. I hope all my brilliant tips help you get through these tough economic times. From now on, I'll try to stay out of hibernation. (ding) dot com outro pool again. Wheezy is in the water, and a girl is beside him in the water, talking to him about what to do. Craig: I'll wait.... I'll try this straight before I twirl. Girl: Like that. him something with her arm. Not like this. Craig: Yeah. Okay. Thank you. swims away from the wall. Attempts one of the synchronized swimming moves. (who's filming, heard not seen): Mmm critically surfaces. Ashleigh: That wasn't very good. Try it again, Craig. looks at her. That wasn't good. tries again, completely failing. Ashleigh: Nooooo. Oh god. laughing surfaces That one was really bad. Recurring themes wheezies, headlines, get drunk, wink Guests Wheezy's dad, Margot, a little girl at the pool, Ashleigh (heard but not seen)